Have you ever observed your automatic reactions to things you do not like? Are you able to be the witness of the reactions your mind and body have to external events? Here's an example from my own life. When someone reacts with anger towards me, it triggers me, and something inside of me responds instantaneously as a means of protection. I don't even have time to think about it. It just happens.

But I am learning to notice. Yoga has taught me the importance of non-attachment (Aparigraha), of letting go of what no longer serves me. So now I try to notice the things that trigger me, like someone's angry words, and my automatic reactions. I notice the constriction in my body. I notice the closing of my heart. I notice my eyes darting away. Then I see the fearful thoughts that bubble up inside. I see myself begin to place blame on the other person. This is the moment that I am learning to take a step back and find a sacred pause. I can consciously choose to see things differently, from a perspective of love rather than fear. Instead of hiding from my instant reactions like a turtle pulling its head into its shell, I can allow myself to accept that my reactions are there without attaching to them. Gently and with compassion, I can connect to the parts deep inside that are trying to protect me, and I can listen to what these parts need to feel safe. And I can shift. I can change the way I think about my triggers. I find myself thanking these parts for working so hard to protect me. I give them the love and support that they need. When the scared parts are supported, they feel safe and they settle. As a result, my nervous system settles, the constriction in my body uncoils, and my heart begins to open like a flower. And when I pause to do this for myself, it also opens up space for me to sincerely connect with others from a more calm and centered place. When I am safe within myself, I am able to make eye contact once again. By choosing to see things with love, I am able to forgive and truly listen to the other person. When the other person feels heard and valued, he/she is more willing to hear and value me. In the end, a loving presence is what truly matters.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Namaste.